e . m . k .

hedwiggy @ 2005-09-30T22:14:00

2005-10-01T02:15:21Z

Alright, alright! I have succumbed! (Edit: succame? Okay they both sound wrong)
But I'm starting anew: the new name is metacognitive.

hedwiggy @ 2005-09-19T17:24:00

2005-09-19T21:25:09Z

Good bye, livejournal.

hedwiggy @ 2004-12-28T00:22:00

2004-12-28T05:24:56Z

...

...

(pictures taken by terry)

It's been an interesting weekend!

Happy Holidays everyone..

weird

2004-12-17T20:41:58Z

what I stumbled upon:

http://dozostoners.tripod.com/index/

That is just..scary.

rumblings from above, and below

2004-12-17T20:29:21Z

It's been a long week! I've received some confusing letters from colleges (one was a rejection to a school I definitely should have gotten into, and the other, from Fordham, is a we're-deferring-your-early-action-application-to-the-regular-decision-pool-and-please-submit-your-midyear-grades-one) so yeah - I've been really stressed.

I spoke to a rep from Farmingdale (the "school I definitely should have gotten into") and they said the program I had applied to, Dental Hygiene, is their most selective, and that I should have a 95+ average to be accepted; also they prefer college students who are currently in biology and organic chem classes...blah..blah..so I feel better knowing I will most likely be accepted into their English program instead, or something. Yeah. It is good to open your mouth - I was really scared to call and speak with someone, but I did, and that's good.

As for Fordham, gotta keep the average up and hope for the best. Got 1230 on the last SAT. Went up so that's good.

-

Why is everyone so sad right now? Lots of my friends are feeling pretty low.

In conclusion..I'm tired and stuff, but I feel sane again. Maybe it's the Imitrex. Today it's oddly calming..

even better than 'grandma got runover by a reindeer'

2004-12-10T05:05:24Z

Today my boss bought a Christmas soundtrack for the office. She did not realize it possessed the following song titles:

"Santa's Got a Semi"
"I Farted on Santa Claus' Lap"

That was a good laugh.

In other news..not feeling myself.

i know when i’ve been insulted, i know when i’ve been insulted!

2004-12-08T01:30:29Z

Moments ago I heard a commercial:
“SENIORS..ARE YOU PAYING TOO MUCH FOR YOUR...”
Me: “College?!”
TV: “Prescriptions?”
Me: “Ohh. That kind of senior.”

Yeah. So college is obviously on my mind a little too much.

The moment I get home from school I run to check the mail, forsaking the dog and neglecting to remove my shoes and coat. This is because I am scheduled to hear from Fordham regarding my early action application by Dec. 25. And I am wholly convinced that today (and yesterday, and tomorrow) is the day it will arrive. I am also convinced that I will not get in, so I can’t really comprehend why I am so eager to receive a rejection from my ‘dream’ school.

We shall see..

Today at work I went into the lab to clean off an impression tray and Janeth pushed my head near a bucket and said “Look!” and it was a dead fish. This was startling! I love our fish. The office has an enormous saltwater tank in the waiting room. One of my babies (I feed them almost daily) has died. R.I.P. fishie.

Got the ol’ report card. Average was 87.2. I went down a point from last marking period. Eek. But it’s okay; I’m finally content with my grades. I’m pretty content with my life in general, actually. Although..

Work is tiring. Four days a week. But I’m making nearly $600 a month and this is a good thing. I am saving to go to Japan in a year. ImustgoImustgo. I.must.go. Saved about $5,400 so far, somehow. This is what working your ass off since freshman year gets ya.

Socially – I am a little lonely and have come to sad realizations that I haven’t made that many close friends in high school. But yeah- I’ve been feeling okay. Terry is good. Our relationship is lovely. It’ll be a year and eight months on Friday. Damnn. We have both matured and grown together, complementing each other throughout the changes. Awesome memories. :)

hedwiggy @ 2004-11-25T21:47:00

2004-11-26T02:56:10Z

Emmeline today. Before rain. We went to the parade!

hedwiggy @ 2004-11-18T22:52:00

2004-11-19T03:53:29Z

terry you smoked the cigar? bad terry bad

you didn't even tell me!

hedwiggy @ 2004-11-15T22:53:00

2004-11-16T03:58:11Z

I finally got my hands on Augusten Burroughs' new book, Magical Thinking. It is soo good! I am also going to attempt to read Dostoyevsky's The Brothers Karamazov.

I have been searching for scholarships. Came across a couple, if anyone has any info regarding some they know of, indulge me!

-

Looking forward to Thanksgiving long weekend. School and work are strenuous and leave me dazed and confused.

hedwiggy @ 2004-11-14T20:37:00

2004-11-15T01:57:00Z

Went to Connecticut and I finally met Terry's dad, Suzanne, Alasdair, Gavin, the puppies, Ronnie and some other people. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming and I shouldn't have been so nervous! I felt like an outsider, but not in a really bad way.

Terry and I hugged by the fireplace! it is definitely burned into my memory (no pun intended) as one of those...really sentimental moments of love. we took a long walk in the cold the next day, and went to a party. champagne is bubbly.

it needs to be repeated!
thanks ter.

hedwiggy @ 2004-11-07T22:28:00

2004-11-08T03:28:12Z

oh my oh my. what a weekend.

on friday, i was riding a very crowded q30 and not feeling my best. i was standing staring out the window and i suddenly feel someone touching my behind (i just can't say 'ass' in the context). it takes a second to sink in that the middle-aged indian man next to me is fondling me from behind. my heart pounds. i become speechless. i cannot utter a sound. my mind floats somewhere as it continues. i think bad thoughts. he is going to rape me. it's not going to fit so he's going to gouge my eyeballs out with his keys and throw me in a river. i breathe. i run off the bus, somehow. i cry. i breathe.

it was so scary. thinking back - why didn't i scream? resist? kick him in the crotch or at least ask him to stop?
i don't know. he smirked at me and from that one glance i got a good picture in my head.

filed a police report, for what it's worth.

i have never, ever, felt so violated.

--

Otherwise the weekend was fine. I saw New Paltz and really liked it. Hugging Terry was just what i needed. Thank you, Terry, my love.

so green! it hurts my eyes,

2004-10-25T02:58:09Z

There's been a bit (okay that is an UNDERSTATEMENT) of stress due to a little thing called college. But that's okay! It was nice to go to my upstate cottage for a night. It was so green!

It was also very orange!

hedwiggy @ 2004-10-12T18:54:00

2004-10-13T02:01:07Z

I am seventeen.

hedwiggy @ 2004-10-05T19:12:00

2004-10-06T02:13:28Z

Today after buying some meringue cookies the above button fell off my bag and a man picked it up. We talked for a bit and he gave me the peace sign as he left. It made me smile.

It’s neon pink! I don’t know what’s up with my scanner.

raining and my black umbrella, wet pajamas

2004-09-29T02:53:31Z

AS OF THE PAST HOUR OR SO..

emotions are swirling everywhere. it’s an emotion alphabet soup. yay, i went from confused, to numb, to angry, to sad, to furious, to self-destructive, to apathetic, to numb. my mom and i just haven’t been getting along these days. the things she says really just hit my nerves. and i feel like i should say what’s on my mind, after unsatisfyingly holding it in for so many years. however when i do so, it backfires, and she screams and then in that moment she is a fucking bitch and i just want to hurt myself and her, possibly. these feelings are so abrupt. sudden. startling. uncharacteristic of my levelheaded demeanor. i talked to terry and it was weird. i felt so..not in check with what was going on, if something was going on or something. and im really worried about people, even if i don't know them well or whatever. i just..hurt. for others. moreso than myself. i just want to understand. please.

catching little pieces of time

2004-09-22T02:20:26Z

Welcome to Disneyland!

It was the funniest thing to round the corner and see the magnificent castle. Families posed in front of it, fake smiles and all. Making memories making memories taking pictures we're making memories

thanks for the tea jenn. it's really good.

2004-09-21T02:48:56Z

An hour ago I started reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. It’s very good. I’m reading like four books right now. I say like too much. But that’s okay.

Today I saw Terry and we went to the library with my sister. I also saw Alaina for a bit and we stared at her high ceiling and watched reruns of Punk’d. I ate a bag of those orange fluffy peanut candy things. They are really tasty, but after about three they taste chalky and not so good. For dinner I had some leftover turkey and challah bread. I have been a hungry woman these days.

Oh yeah, that’s another thing.

Recently, I’ve been asking all of my female friends whether they consider themselves ‘women.’ I know it’s a silly question, but seriously..it’s a weird thing when at work a kid calls me lady. I’m not a lady! Certainly not a ma’am.

Anyway, it was nice seeing Terry, my ‘boy toy’ as my sister says. I gave him some jasmine tea bags.

school.

2004-09-16T03:39:06Z

Pretty flowers from my aunt's house in Santa Barbara, CA.

Sometimes when I have nothing to say I like to post random pictures.

the scary faceless hipster man

2004-09-13T03:08:48Z

drew a dude. dude's chill. he's a cool guy.

food.

2004-09-12T20:50:46Z

Today I ate like a pregnant woman. and it's only 5 o'clock:

one bowl Cheerios and fat free milk
one glass apple juice
one cup decaf coffee with creamer
one can YooHoo
one chocolate Hostess cupcake
one package Catdog Cheez-its
one egg bagel with margarine
one full can Chickarina soup
couple glasses of water

What did you eat today?

EDIT:

As of 10:48 P.M. I can add:

roasted chicken breast
string beans
Runts (the candy not wee pigs)
carrots
chocolate pudding
1/4 loaf challah
2 glasses apple juice

Off to bed. :)

hedwiggy @ 2004-09-09T00:40:00

2004-09-09T04:40:39Z

yawn.

hedwiggy @ 2004-09-08T00:11:00

2004-09-08T04:11:35Z

God. I barely write anymore.

hedwiggy @ 2004-09-07T23:59:00

2004-09-08T04:10:09Z

I feel kind of weird. I think it's the annual back to school stress, combined with fluctuating hormone levels and angry parents. Teenage life. I look at college websites and discuss my future with friends. Sometimes it's non-existent and sometimes it's very present. I get depressed when I start delving deep into future career options; I find something wrong with every possible choice I've considered so far. Writer? Success rate -sketchy. Journalist? I'm too laid back and shy for that. Dentist? Too much schooling/money. Dental hygienist? Eh. I want to write. I can't pick up a book these days without analyzing the author's style. I feel low knowing my writing isn't spectacular compared to the competition out there.

Work days are growing, now embarking on a four day work schedule throughout the school year. I shouldn't be whining because it's good for me, I guess.

I just feel uncomfortable right now. One of those moods you don't feel like talking about. It will pass in a few days.

silly string

2004-09-06T16:05:05Z